The lovely Gina over at Namaste By Day passed on what I think is an award/challenge! And since I'm a bit of a blog funk lately, this is the perfect excuse to blog about something I can totally talk about...
The rules state: Tell us 3 things about your sex life. You can make them whatever you want and it doesn't necessarily have to pertain to your current partner (or a partner at all for that matter). You can talk about your likes or dislikes, your kinky fetishes or your secret desires. You can tell us a funny story about the time you were having sex in the woods with your old boyfriend and you both ended up with 1,000 tics. Whatever you want... its totally up to you!
The rules state: Tell us 3 things about your sex life. You can make them whatever you want and it doesn't necessarily have to pertain to your current partner (or a partner at all for that matter). You can talk about your likes or dislikes, your kinky fetishes or your secret desires. You can tell us a funny story about the time you were having sex in the woods with your old boyfriend and you both ended up with 1,000 tics. Whatever you want... its totally up to you!- When I first moved to Florida, you'll remember that I was a bit of a wild child. Besides all of that I was beginning to 'explore my sexuality' (cough slut cough) and had a select few suitors that I would hook up with. Me and my roommate on the college program just happened to be seeing
sleeping withtwo other guys that were also roommates. So we had the bright idea that we should hook up together and then when given the signal we would high five! :) So there I am on my bed getting freaky and she's on our other roommate's bed (horrible but that girl was a total bitch and racist) going at it. Everything is going smoothly we give each other high fives and then I start noticing that dude isn't even looking at me. WTF?!? What is he doing? Well I'll tell you what he was doing. WATCHING HIS HOMEBOY!!! No lie! Dude must have been feeling inferior cause the next thing I know were going from smooth, sensual sexin' to jabbin' jack rabbit type shit. At one point I seriously thought he was going to break my vagina (and no he was not even packin heat like that) and when I got to that point I pushed his wack ass off me and told him to get the fuck out. Who does that? - Since my sister was pregnant when she was getting married we couldn't host a raunchy bachelorette party with booze, strippers, and clubs like we wanted to, so they did the next best thing and had a sex toy party. I will be the first on too admit I love these parties. They have the silliest things and you know the whole spiel about how their novelty items, blah, blah, blah. Well after many laughs and demonstrations from my aunts, myself, and sister's closest friends the party was beginning to wrap up. At this point in my life, I was still living in Florida, single, and sick and tired of just hooking up with wack dudes so I did what any reasonable daughter would do......asked my mom to buy me a vibrator (seriously living by myself in FL, I barely had $$ for food let alone sex toys) My mom initially laughed it off and told me I was crazy. I really wanted it and was determined to get so I stated to my mom that 'this was a good investment because not only can vibrators not get you pregnant, they also protect you from STD's (soo true!) and would she want her youngest, the baby of her little family going back to Florida and sleeping with some creep and getting knocked up or getting a disease'...I think not! You need to protect your children right!? And that's how I got my first vibrator, a perfectly pink Eager Beaver! :)
- Can't leave Big Man out can I?!? Big Man and myself have a very good relationship (duh!) and a pretty hot sex life, if I must say so myself. I let him to do some pretty freaky things to me and am down for almost anything (sorry, no booty action here). Anywho, we're pretty adventuresome people and like to try out new things. I'll dress up for him and he'll bring some cool stuff home to try out. So one afternoon were in bed and about to make some sexy time and when he starts getting going, I feel something weird. I brush it off at first and think that it's just in my mind. Then it keeps happening with each thrust, my vagina is pulsating. WTF?!?! I start freaking out in my mind that somehow, I don't even know how it would happen, but that my coochie is having some sort of seizure. OMG! What do I do? I didn't really want to say anything to Big Man because he looked like he was enjoying himself but I couldn't take it anymore. I finally told him to stop and that something was wrong with my girly bits and we couldn't go on. He looked at me kind of strangely and asked 'Is this what your feeling?' while pointing down. Low and behold, somehow when I wasn't paying attention he slid on a vibrating c--- (I hate that word, it grosses me out, unless it's followed by sucker) ring. I was a a little embarrassed but not as much as I would have been if I went to the E.R. and told them that my vagina was having seizures! :)
After recapping that, they seem kinda TMI worthy...so here I come Lilu!
This is my first TMI Thursday and I'm coming hard with not one but three stories.
So as Lilu says:***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Enjoy! :)
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And I would like to pass this on to some people but I'm not sure who would actually participate so I'm challenging everyone (who's willing to share) to take part in his sexy time challenge!
Blondie I know you probably have some stories so don't be shy!
























16 comments:
omg! This post was hilarious! I love you and all of your funny stories :)
I can't believe that guy was watching his friend!!!! So Creepy!!
I think maybe that guy was doing more than just watching his friend if you catch me drift... Love that you guys used a high five. That is classic!
LOL!!! I had a jack rabbit once. Do they really think that works. LOL!!! Thanks for sharing such funny stories. :) XOXO
I have to hand it to you ladies...you are SO BRAVE! Kudos to you for having the guts to share these stories. They are HILARIOUS and I've enjoyed every last one, lol!
Wow girl - Props to you for putting it all out there. If my parents, in-laws and grandparents did not read my blog I might participate. BUT, since they do, sorry. But I will tell you, B is amazing ;)
Haha WHAT?! You gotta give a girl some warning!!!
HAHAHAHA fun stories!!
OMG!! YOU are so HILARIOUS! LOL LOL LOL
I love your stories! you are hilarious and brave for sharing these!
If certain people in my real life didn't read my blog, I would totally be down for sharing because I'm not all prudish about it. But there are just some things the mother, grandmother, sisters, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, etc. just don't need to know!
Ok actually since no one will check your comments I will tell you one funny story in your comments here...
Hubs and I were gettin' it on one afternoon and we decided to change positions but tried to do it without separating and as we rolled over, I realized it all felt a bit different. I asked him to pull out and lo and behold, the condom is no longer on... and no where to be found.
Yep, inside me.
I was freaking out imagining going to the ER telling them a condom was stuck up in my vagina but luckily after I made myself relax a bit, hubs got it out. Needless to say, that was the end of the sexual fun as we were both to embarrassed and turned off after that!
shhhh don't tell :)
I just inhaled soda while reading this. Totally made my day, thank you! I love the high five part :)
Nice. Never an overshare ;)
LOL.
I KNEW you'd come through! :) Or should I say cum through, hahahahaha. When I was in college my friend and I were having sex simulataneously...but on bunk beds!!! I was on the top and she still says that she thought the bed was going to break on her! LOL!
Wow awesome post, I love that you put it out there!
This post is hilarious! That first guy was a total douche!
Love your honesty ;) and your blog!
And the people that know me call me the wild one...sheesh...
Love this post, too funny!
I swear I almost just peed myself over that! You are freakin' flippin' hilarious. You're totally right- your mom's gift is a serious investment in her child's life. haha Better than having one too many lil' woman's running around (thought this is perfect when you and big man are ready) and having STD's.
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